Yah perhaps an hour later I will start preparing for my term test. So for the time being I need to shrug off my unnecessary thoughts. Thats why you can see me penning down my thoughts again. 5 papers for the next 5 days starting from 1. adv construction technology. 2. estimating and costing 3. adv measurement 4. building services III 5. construction project management II By hook or by crook I need to do well for all these papers. all at least 70% which is for me to maintain at least b for some subjects and for no.3 got to push myself harder to get around 90% mark. But now all of these are still blank in my mind so it might be hard.
Now I got to put away the feelings of my heart and start to concentrate. Its very hard but bo pian got to do so, if not sure die 1. after term test the FYP is another crucial thing.
Feelings of my heart Wondering if there is any other competitors or am I thinking too much. Dear friends, I dunno whether will be an act of impluse for me to do such decision. As im prepared to wait, be it a year of 10 years. Crazy of me right? But I dunno why, cos my mind ask me to follow My heart thoughts.
(copied from some source, not accurate) The more I know you, The more I like you. The more I like you, The more I want to discover about you.
hehe only remember the 1st few sentences.
Perhaps lotsa people may see me as a fussy guy, whom will be searching for someone very perfect. But they are absolutely wrong. Ya of cos, I wanna find someone who is present looking, some looks which you wouldnt feel bored looking at. Then of cos get to know the person better lata,
Even now if you can find someone whom a hundred times prettier, gentle than her. The kind of feelings I had will never be replaced. She had became someone whom I will cry for. someone who will make me smile for than I had for the past 25 years. I dunno why she had made my life more cheerful, more higher tempo and of cos my heart beat faster than any other time. And I had actually kept of diary of my times with her.
For then had made me realised that I had fall too deep into it. I'm not able to open up myself to other options Even when theres better one knocking at my door, I will still see is it her, if not the door is still closed.
So you can see when I do not wish to go into any relations for the Past 7 years. Fear of rejections, failures which lead to broken heart. And when I thought that fate and chance had arrived for me, I thought its the time for me to give all out. Who knows I had poured out too fast and it had backfired. Just hoping now I had a chance to proof myself once again. Dun see my age being younger than her and seeing me as a student. Where history may repeat again for her. For what I had said is not a promise or a vow i tried to make. To make her believe that theres true guys out there. But its a feeling which I wanted to pour out for. For someone whom I wish to care for the rest of my lifetime.
So how long can a man live 70 years?? that left me only 45 years or even lesser for me to care for someone. Im even prepared to reshape my route of life just to make her feels security in me. 1. Not thinking of going overseas to study for my degree. (which i hope so in getting it and signing on for SPF later) 2. On not going to gain exposure in the outside world (just go back bicycleshop and be a small boss) which for no.1 is that i just wanna siam my reservist call up. no.2 im afraid im not able to cope with the works out there. Perhaps love is blind. I think God, Buddha and Allah had really played a joke on me.
*For those who still dunno me. Ben is an emotional guy. I do weep, even though I can Put up a brave front in-front of all people.
*************************
DeviLbiker 3:16 at 3:39 pm
*************************
Manchester
Europe
China
Korea
Australia
New Zealand
Cambodia
Laos
Thailand (05)(07x2)(08)(09x3)
Japan (04)
Taiwan (04)(10)
Vietnam (03)
Hongkong (02)
Indonesia (97)
Malaysia-uncountable